Getting Over Fears: Lowering The Gradient To Be Able To Meet Up With Women And Relate To Girls

Last week one of my friends asked a question which i thought was worth discussing. He asked me how to overcome fears which pop up sometimes - even if things are going great.

The truth is it is not a simple question to answer as it differs from person to person. There are actually entire books which have been written on that subject alone. However, one of the best ways I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.

What are gradients? Gradients are similar to steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will probably be impossible and you will not succeed. If you keep trying it over and over you will begin to build up a "complex" about failing, and soon not try anymore.

If you try to leap up five or six steps on your first attempt, it will also be scary - not really impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you may fail too.

The proper approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most pleasant way to climb a ladder.

Here are a few examples of how I apply that to overcome fears which pop up in meeting women and dating women:

As most guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. This can be particularly scary. So while I am approaching a beautiful woman in a party, rather than telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am attracted to her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of many people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will discover a way to carry on the conversation. If she doesn't then i know she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - so I don't feel shot down in front of others.

If I am starting to date a girl and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Do you want to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she would like to relax, get cozy, and just watch a movie at my house. If she doesn't want to get intimate she certainly won't wish to be alone with me, getting cozy at my home. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her light touches every now and then to see how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.

These are some examples. Whenever you feel uneasy and fearful simply try to think of a lower gradient which isn't as scary and lets you make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will learn how to meet women and the way to relate to them very quickly.

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